Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
