handjob tips. give me some.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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