His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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