My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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