if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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