Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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