I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it's like iHOP with fire
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
