was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
