i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
