What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
