Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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