it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Im part way to drunk.
Oh god it's open bar.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
