Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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