There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
