people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drunk is not a location!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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