I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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