I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
