why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
