i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
