I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
