hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
