i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
