im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
