After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
