I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
