NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
