Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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