And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
