i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
MIDGETS
????
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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