I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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