I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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