Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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