Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
