fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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