I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
