If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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