Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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