What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
