She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The beer is more important than you right now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
