i was rollin on her like bob the builder
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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