grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
