I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
