Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
party gras won. party gras always wins.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
