Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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