the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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