Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize