They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
