So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
