Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
