I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The air taste purple.
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