Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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