The maid of honor just puked.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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