I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
