So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
