Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
