So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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