why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
