So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Holy sore nipples Batman
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
