she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
