Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize