so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
