THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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