I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
