Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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