Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
