Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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