I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
