Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
youre lurking in front of me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
