my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
