my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
