The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
