Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
