I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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