you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
